(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
(603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
(1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
(562): I wanna eat
(562): then frost
(562): then eat your cupcake
(513): Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
(936): Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
(210): I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
(519): Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
(469): Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
(306): and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
(936): what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
(901): All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If you're not convinced this is the funniest website on the interweb, send me your link, because this shit is hysterical.
My entire life I’ve been skin and bones. In fact I don’t think I hit triple digits on the scale until I was a sophomore in high-school. Back then I could eat anything and everything and still almost look starved. Now, only 5 years removed from high-school, I’ve had to start thinking about what I eat and drink. If you know me personally you know I’m by no means a health freak. My diet consists of food that I think tastes good, not food that I think is good for me. I drink way too many sugar laced drinks like Mountain Dew, Monster Energy drinks, and an obscene amount of Arizona’s since I don’t drink coffee. I know it seems unlikely but I actually love fresh fruit juice. My mom bought one of those QVC juicers a while back, and every time I stopped home for a visit I was greeted as soon as I walked in the door with "Do you want some juice?” I never thought in a million years I would miss having a QVC product in the house. I moved to Atlanta from home (Cincinnati) a year ago, and since then to get my juice fix in the afternoons I’ve been buying those gallon bottles of Kroger brand juice. Its just not the same. No where close. You can tell it’s not fresh, and just not pure.
Recently I’ve been skipping out on the processed juice and going to the little fridge area in the produce section and trying different options on the ‘organic’ juice shelf. I’ve tried all the Odwalla brand juices, and other brands that tasted more soupy than juice should. The most recent brand I’ve tried is by far the closest to what mom used to give me every time I walked through the door. It’s a small juice company local to Atlanta called Arden’s Garden. Sorry everybody reading this outside of Hotlanta, but you don’t know what you’re missing. Arden’s Garden is a locally run juicer that not only has 4 of its own stores, but you can find the products at most Krogers’, Publix, and Whole Foods stores in the metro Atlanta area. They have all kinds of flavors, juices from fruits you’ve probably never thought about drinking before, (like orange, apple, mango juice) and combinations that will rock your world. I actually told my mom about this the other day, and she was a little smug. She said she’d have to try it before she could say it was as good as hers. But my mom, being a nurse, was glad to see I was getting my vitamins since she quit giving me Flintstones Vitamins when I was a kid. All in all, I’ve found a new drink to get every time I pop into Kroger for something I need for dinner.
