I've been saving these.

Here's a short list of the funniest (according to me) submissions from tfln (or for you terribly misinformed people, textsfromlastnight.com).

(571): he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time

(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

(603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels

(1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

(562): I wanna eat

(562): then frost

(562): then eat your cupcake

(513): Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives

(936): Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....

(210): I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.

(519): Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.

(469): Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them

(306): and on the seventh day, God created megan fox

(936): what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?

(901): All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.

If you're not convinced this is the funniest website on the interweb, send me your link, because this shit is hysterical.